Don't Eat Yellow Snow

Heeeey Brother!

Advice on giving advice…here we go.

The key to giving great advice is authenticity…once you learn to fake that, you’re set!

When I was 12 years old, not lacking in confidence, I remember distinctly thinking, “wow…I’m great at giving advice!” What I meant by that was, I was pretty good at telling people what to do, and providing a compelling reason to listen (…compelling to a 12 year old). 

By this definition, giving great advice can often times feel like salesmanship, or manipulation. As my younger brother, I’m sure you’re the last person on Earth I need to convince of this argument. Remember Halloween? “It’s simple math! I’ll give you 3 tootsie rolls per chocolate bar! If you want more candy, I strongly advise you to take this deal!”

But we don’t always have selfish motives. In fact most days are not halloween. How do we advise people we love when we see them heading the wrong direction? How do we get them to change course when we know where the current path leads?

I don’t know the answer to that. But I know that I am an incredibly stubborn person, and I have learned most of my life lessons the hard way. Advice rarely gets through to me…but when it does, it always shares three characteristics.

1. I trust the source. Usually because I know the person cares about me. Sometimes because the source has a history of integrity and credibility. I can count the number of people who meet both criteria on one hand, and you’re one of them.
2. The advice wasn’t about getting me to change my behaviour. It was about equipping me to make my decision with new perspectives.
3. Positivity is compelling and motivating. Fear is paralyzing.

Example:

“Mark, you’re going to regret buying that 20 pack of Monterey jack taquitos. Buy some vegetables instead!”

“Mmmmmmm…Taquitos sound amazing! What else do you want to accomplish this week?… Interesting…you want to be a productive, functioning human? Can you do that, AND eat 20 taquitos in 3 days?”

I think the best advice is about equipping people to make the decisions that are right for them. That makes the person giving the advice more invested in their subject, and less in their choices. 

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?