Change is Hard

Hey Brother!

This is a brand new beginning for me. A little more than a month ago, I got on a plane and flew most of the way across the country with nothing but a few suitcases. I sold my furniture, my TV and my first car. Basically, if I couldn’t take it on the plane, it was sold or given away. So I walked into an empty apartment with my carry on bags, and that was it. I was ‘moved in’. It’s starting to come along now, but for a while the empty space felt less like a home and more like a vacant garage.

It’s daunting, but the potential of a new beginning is also really exciting. In fact, I may be addicted to new beginnings. In a little over 4 years, I have lived in Kelowna, Edmonton, Regina, Vancouver and Toronto. There’s something about a new city, new apartment, new neighbourhood, new climate, that feels full of hope. Like a new years resolution on steroids. I could be better with my finances. I could start going to the gym. I could pick up that book and put down the taquito! I could learn to play the guitar, or bake a lasagna! The possibilities are endless.

I can trace my affinity for fresh starts back to elementary school. I used to love the first day of a new year. Every September was an opportunity to reinvent myself. “This year, maybe I’ll do my homework! I’ll be more organized! I’ll talk less and be more mysterious! I’ll dress up like a clown and wave at cars on my way to class! (story for another day). I even started writing a book called ‘Chapter 1’s’ because I loved beginning new stories, but quickly lost interest.

Here’s the discouraging part - I never did my homework. I always choose nap over gym and I can’t play guitar or bake a lasagna. I have had enough new starts to confirm the age old saying - wherever you go, there you are. So much so, that lately I’ve been asking myself if change is even possible, or if we are just stuck with ourselves. I can trace a lot of my biggest shortcomings back to my childhood, and that’s kind of terrifying! I’m still impulsive. Bad with money. And will put my foot in my mouth in pursuit of a laugh. I can trace that stuff back to 7 year old me!

The more I think about it, the more I realize that it’s an age old topic that has been covered by much smarter people than me. It’s the classic debate of nature vs nurture. It’s even a debate about free will vs determinism. But I’m not looking for answers as much as I am my own personal philosophy. I need to believe that people can grow and change. That we can become something new. Partly so i’m not damned to a life of taquitos, but also because that’s the foundation of the society I want to live in. One where we forgive each other and give each other second chances. One where we educate each other and challenge each other to be better.

With all of that comes a healthy dose of accountability. I can’t blame my genes or my circumstances. All of those times I made a new years resolution, whether it was new years or not, and failed - that’s on me. Because I have to believe change is possible. It’s just really hard.

As I look around for evidence to support my hope that people can change, I see you. You are a bold, confident, ambitious leader…and i hope this isn’t offensive, but that was not you as a child. So I guess I’m wondering if you have any thoughts on change, or anything else.