How does one adult?

Hey Brother


It's so good to hear from you! Yes, I've heard from you many times in the last 2.5 years that weren't on this blog, but it's always good to hear from you.

You've had a crazy 2.5 years, and I'm so happy for you, even if it took you into another country. My 2.5 years has certainly been busy. I've started a new job, my wife has started a new school program, and one of my kids is in grade 1 now. And yes, being a dad is a lot like having a full time job. I'm currently writing this between comforting children.

So, my version of this experience was likely quite a bit different than yours, and I think there's a lot of reasons for this.

November was a mess. I was balancing two kids, a marriage, and a job that was extremely stressful and I felt extremely unqualified for. You know me pretty well, am I the first person who comes to mind when you hear the phrase "audit proofing"? Not that it should be any teachers job, but I'm certainly not a good candidate for it.

Anyway, there was a lot going on in my life in November. It was really hard. So when dad called and told me what happened, I don't know if I really processed it. Dad made sure to stress that it was a minor heart attack and mom was okay, so I didn't really know what to do with it. I considered coming to Kelowna for the weekend, but I knew that would be a challenge and Dad told me we wouldn't be able to see mom anyway. A while later, mom sent a video to us over messenger. Seeing that video did nothing but make me realize how much it really had effected her. That was rough. Really rough. But there wasn't much I could do about that, and I had so much on my plate that I could only spend about a day thinking about it before I moved on.

I also went back to the doctor after all this, and the news was mostly good. I've come a long way in the last few years. It's not perfect, but it's been getting better. This was not a wake up about my physical health. But it may have been a wake up call about my mental health. It simply did not feel like I had the ability to manage everything. And maybe it was all just too much. And what was affecting me in one place made it harder for me to manage in another, which made it harder to manage in another.

Maybe the scariest part of losing a parent would be that I don't feel like I'm a fully functioning adult yet. Like, I can't lose a parent, they're not done raising me!

But the thing about working in public education is that you see every kind of person in every kind of situation. When you see what everyone is dealing with you can't help but wonder... how does society even function? Is everyone dealing with all this stuff? Were mom and dad dealing with this stuff? Is this normal? Is it just part of growing up? Or am I just doing something wrong?

Anyway, I look forward to hearing from you sometime in the next 2.5 years, and I won't be offended if it's not sooner. Because sometimes life is just too much.