What's it Going to Take to Get This Guy to Respond?

Hey Brother,

I guess it’s my turn? And it looks like it’s been my turn for about 2.5 years. My bad.

It’s no excuse for not having written, but life’s been busy…for the both of us. 

I met a girl. Got Married. Moved to a different country, and started a new job. Sorta.

And you? Well I’m sure being super dad is a full time job.

You probably know what motivated me to finally write. And it wasn’t because after two and a half years of pondering, I finally came up with an insightful response to your last post.

Mom had a heart attack last week…and I wasn’t prepared for that. She’s young. She lives an active lifestyle. She doesn’t smoke or drink. And yet, she’s been in the hospital for a week now. I am hopeful that this is a good thing long term. She will get the treatment she needs. She will be monitored more closely. And she will be more prepared to live a long and fulfilling life.

Still, it’s a bit terrifying. It’s terrifying for some obvious reasons. I’m not ready to lose one of our parents. And I don’t think I knew how unready I was. But it was scary for some selfish reasons as well…and I guess that’s the part of this experience that I want to talk to you about.

Mom told me that her birth mother died of a massive heart attack when she was 32 years old…and she told me like it was something I already knew. And maybe it’s something that she had told me before…but I did not know that. It scared me to death. We have serious heart disease on both sides of the family. And for the last 7 years or so, I have not lived a lifestyle that I am proud of. I have more or less eaten what I want, when I want. Drank as much as I felt, which is often a lot. And exercise happens in spurts, but is never a consistent habit.

I’m scared for our mom. But I’m also ashamed of my past and terrified for my future. I have been walking around for the last week, feeling like I have a ticking time bomb in my chest.

Fear can be motivating. I’ve been eating healthier. Drinking less. Working out. And I have a doctors appointment booked. But fear can undercut that motivation too. I’m trying to remind myself that I have plenty of opportunity to turn things around. That my fate is not sealed. That it’s not reasonable to expect a heart attack this week, or this month. But it’s hard to not let the shame consume you. I don’t know if being motivated by fear is sustainable long term…maybe that’s a blog for another day.

So I guess I’m wondering what this process has been like for you. I can’t imagine that just because you have a beautiful family and have lost so much weight (you look great by the way), that this has been somehow easy to deal with. 

So…what has this confrontation with mortality been like for you?

Your turn. You have 2.5 years to respond.